I remember sayin' I don't care either way
Just as long as he or she is healthy I'm OK
Then the doctor pointed to the corner of the screen
And said, "You see that thing right there, well, you know what that means."

I started wondering who he was gonna be
And I thought, "Heaven, help us if he's anything like me."

He'll probably climb a tree too tall and ride his bike too fast
End up every summer wearing something in a cast
He's gonna throw a ball and break some glass in a window down the street

He's gonna get in trouble oh he's gonna get in fights
I'm gonna lose my temper and some sleep

It's safe to say that
I'm gonna get my pay back
If he's anything like me

I can see him right now, knees all skinned up
With a magnifying glass trying to melt the Tonka truck
Won't he be a sight with his football helmet on
That'll be his first love 'til his first love comes along

He'll get his heart broke by the time he's in his teens
And heaven help him if he's anything like me

He'll probably stay out too late and drive his car too fast
Get a speeding ticket he'll pay for mowing grass
He's gonna get caught skipping class and be grounded for a week

He's gonna get in trouble, we're gonna get in fights
I'm gonna lose my temper and some sleep

It's safe to say that
I'm gonna get my pay back
If he's anything like me

He's gonna love me and hate me along the way
Years are gonna fly by I already dread the day

He's gonna hug his momma, he's gonna shake my hand
He's gonna act like he can't wait to leave

But as he drives out
He'll cry his eyes out
If he's anything like me

There's worse folks to be like
Oh, he'll be alright
If he's anything like me